I Just Want To Tell You

Condemnation, guilt, uncertainty, regret, fear, anger, depression..Do you ever have that sinking place in the pit of your stomach where one or all of the above mentioned emotions nestles in and makes its home?  This blog post is going to be a bit of a rambler ladies, so please bear with me.  Last fall when I stepped in to oversee and write for this blog, I thought it was the perfect place for me to minister and encourage women.  It was after all, an answer to a long lifted prayer.  It was an opportunity to serve in a way that seemed natural to me and I had a very clear idea of where I thought it should go.

In my mind a blog is something like an online journal where the blogger discusses something she is learning, in this case walking with the Holy Spirit.  It would be a place to connect with other women, a community of sorts; a place to share and get feedback and perhaps help someone along the way as The Lord directs.  I had hopes for the blog.  Here is where I messed up.  I didn't pray for God to make it His blog.  I didn't pray for Him to give me wisdom and insight, not just in the topics and timing but also in the process itself.  As a result technical difficulties, business of life and unresolved and unconfessed issues in my own life resulted in road blocks, frustration and failure.  The blog has set completely silent for two months.  The enemy is at my shoulder and his comments go something like this.  "Loser.  What made you think you would have anything useful to contribute? How did you end up in a group of women who are organized and talented, they can put together huge events and you can't even figure out how to get a blog post out on a regular basis.  You are worthless and when they see just how useless you are you are going to be humiliated."

That's the first part of this story.

I have come to know in the last 5 weeks or so that God is still writing my story.  The enemy tells me that I am a failure but God assures me that I am a work in progress.  He has been writing new chapters like crazy, this Author of my Life, and it has been an exciting process.   Prayer has become more than just a non-specific "check in the box" process for me. I've learned that prayer really does change things and it really does change me.   I want to tell you about it but it is too much for one entry.  So I plan to share it over the next several posts.  This blog will not always be about me and my personal relationship with Him.  As I tell you what He is doing in my life, I hope you will be blessed, I hope you will share with others who may need to hear that they are not alone in their desire and struggle to be God's woman.  Women like me need to know that the "seemingly perfect christian sister" I admire didn't just pop out of a box like that. I want to hear how she got where she is.  I want to be like her .  We need encouragement and we need to share our burdens and our victories.  We need to help each other in the ever constant battle against the enemy for our hearts
and minds and joy.  We need to walk together and "leave no one behind."  I have so much to tell you but I want to do it one step at a time.  Tomorrow I want to tell you about my friend Janet and how her testimony in life and in dying was a catalyst to send me seeking my own Solemn Assembly even before I knew that FBC was planning one of its own.

For today, I leave you with this scripture  - Romans 8:1-2 written in the Message version says " With the arrival of Jesus, The Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved (our condemnation).  those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud.  A new power is in operation.  The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.

There is freedom from the emotions that weigh you down.  Let's talk about  The Spirit of life in Christ.  See you tomorrow.