Free World People - that is what the women of McPherson
Prison called us as if we were from a far off distant planet. I guess, for some of them, we might as well
have been from Mars. In their world of
fences, razor wire, rules, no exception submission to authority, restriction and
blandness, we seemed alien; from a world that would not be seen by some of them
ever again.
“Free World People”- that phrase sticks with
me. It makes me think. It makes me wonder. Like the popular hymn of my childhood a question
rattles around in my mind and in my heart of hearts…”Why me Lord?” What did I
ever do that was worth loving You or the kindness You’ve shown?” The answer
simply put…I did nothing to deserve the Grace I have been shown. My sins were different, my life was different, but without His saving Grace, I would be forever lost.
Before I walked into that prison, I had a different
mindset. I saw myself, sadly to say, as
the “good girl”, going in to speak Jesus to the morally bankrupt and
heathen. I was certain I would find
women with no knowledge whatsoever of Jesus Christ. I was certain they would be hard-hearted and
without compassion or emotion. What I found were many girls who were not that
different in culture and upbringing from me.
Girls whose mothers and fathers and grandparents had taken them to church, girls who knew
about Jesus from young ages. I found women, in tears, who wanted to pray with
me for their children. They were mommas whose roads and choices had taken them physically from their babies but had not taken them from their hearts. and young women, new to Christianity, who wanted nothing
more than to see a friend saved.
I sat with the drug addicted, murders, sex
offenders, who at their core, were women who had made very bad choices and
found redemption. I heard the personal
story of a woman from a terrible childhood, a terrifying life, who boldly
confessed “I did awful shameful things but now I know Jesus and I am
free.” Her smile lit up the room and before
leaving me, she stopped and came back and asked me “how can I pray for
you?” If she only knew. Some prison walls are unseen. Some chains are invisible. And I thought about Luke 7:36-50. “Which of them will love him more?”
I walked from a bland and hopeless world into a
barracks known as the PAL (Principals and Attitudes for Living) Barracks. In this barracks, vibrant murals and scriptures
colored the walls and women learned the Word and prepared for battle. They knew that eventually they would leave the
shelter of PAL and return to the general population to be missionaries, salt
and light, “cities on a hill”. I
remember thinking “how could you ever return to the awful blandness and despair
outside of that barracks? If I had to
be in prison I would want to be where there was hope and color and safety." Isn’t that the way we do it in “the free
world?” Don’t we prefer our beautiful
churches and our safe small group bible studies, where everyone believes like
we do and there is little opposition or challenge? Aren’t we thankful for the missionaries in
remote African villages even as we are thankful that it isn’t us being sent? Don’t we often make beautiful “white washed sepulchers?”
Maybe I should speak only for myself…so here it is…I am free world living and
yet doing less with life than prisoners I met who will never leave the walls of
their physical prison again and I am ashamed of that. I come from a life of protection and love. I had Christian parents and extended
family support. I wasn’t allowed to run wild and
I knew better than to try. I knew a
thousand eyes were on me watching out for my best interest. The question remains - "who will love Him
more?” - “the one who is forgiven more I
suppose.” (Lord help me love you more
because of all you have done for me.)
They entered prison already in chains, enslaved and
hopeless and found eternal life. I have
Jesus as my savior AND I live where my opportunities and freedoms are
innumerable and yet I live with less joy and daily dependence on Him. Do I see
myself as one forgiven of little or one forgiven of a debt I could never pay?
I am going to stop making excuses. I am going to pray for Him to fill me up with
His Holy Spirit and I am going to ask Him to teach me to love Him more and know
Him more. I am going ask Him to teach me
to take every thought captive and believe that He is more than able to handle
what concerns me today. I am going to
pray, like the words of a song I sing... “ Day by Day Oh Dear Lord three things I pray. To see You more clearly, to love You more
dearly, to follow You more nearly, day by day.” I am going to pray to truly
live in freedom and abundance in the center of His will. I want to be known as a woman who loves Him "more".
